Oh, the hilarity.
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I am currently in the process of both giving up my day job and getting my coat.
I went for a swim in the sea the other day, when a sudden gust of wind carried me out into the middle of the English Channel.
Shocked? I was blown away.
Walking back through town, this bloke came up to me with a feather. He wanted me to pick him up and carry him off while he tickled me. I couldn't take him seriously.
I stopped in the park to eat my chocolate digestives. And this bear comes up to me and asked me for one. When I offered one to him, he just said "Actually, I was just kidding," and walked off.
Then, another bear came along. That one really took the biscuit.
I tried sleeping on a seamstress once, but she kept giving me pins and needles.
Then there was this time I went to a Volleyball Cocktail party. It was horrible. Everyone kept trying to spike my drink.
I was in the supermarket the other day, when I saw this guy getting arrested in the frozen veg aisle. He was disturbing the peas.
Did you hear about the guy with a fruit disability?
He was im-peared.
Why do Chinese pie-eaters look like crabs?
Because they're crust-asians.
How many Flash developers does it take to change a pair of pants?
Two - One to make the change, and one to produce the animated shorts.
Did you know Hitler was in the "Flipper" movie?
Sure, it's got Adolf in.
I hear that a bunch of people around Britain have been turning into old Blue Peter dogs... apparently the public are Petra-fied.
Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy have a new film out, and they've been allowed to each take a guest to the premiere. Stan's decided to take his aging mother, who might not get to see any more, while Olly's done the decent thing and brought along his lovely lady, who he's been married to for 10 years etc. So they're walking along the lane to the cinema, when Dick Turpin jumps out on them and, pointing a gun in their faces, says "Consider yourself robbed, you two! But, as I already have enough cash, hand over one of your women instead!"
Laurel and Hardy look at him and start, "What, you mean...?"
"Yes," said Dick, "Your mummy or your wife!"
Down by the seaside the other day, I heard this funny bird going on and on about how bad its curry the previous night had been...
I figured the bird was a korma-rant.
